Reformed Jesus Vs Health Je$u$

Here is a picture(below) I have seen posted several times in different social media, with different variants of it.

Obviously, much of these are a strawman and bearing false witness, (at least to the prosperity teachers I know of). Getting past the incoherence of some of these statements, logically, some of these are a false dichotomy.
The bible says Jesus gives both “salvation & hope,” and “health & wealth.” In fact, in Isaiah 53 (Matthew 8:17) both are part of Jesus’ ministry of a high priest, which means if you negate healing by faith you trample on and negate forgiveness of sins by Jesus’ precious blood.

It says Jesus was both “hated” by unbelievers, but “loved” by those who received His message, and He was loved by those whom He healed. How many were leaping with joy after being healed? When was the last time you showed this type of happiness to God? Who are we kidding here?

Others are just a strawman and slander. “Never says anything negative,” is incorrect, even if I think about someone like Benny Hinn. I remember him talking about sin and suffering one afternoon when my grandmother was watching TBN.

They say their Jesus “offends the world,” but the prosperity Jesus does “not wish to offend you.” Obviously, this is a slight of hand going from “the world,” to “you.”

“Offends with truth,” yes, but only to those who did not believe, or were slow to believe. Maybe many of the Reformed are still feeling the sting of Jesus’ offensive words against their own unbelief? Is this not the reason they want others to suffer Jesus’ rebuke too, because they are envious of others who believe Jesus’ words and find God lavishing them with complements rather than rebukes? Are they not jealous of those to whom Jesus says, “great is your faith,” “I have not found such faith in all Israel,” and “your faith has healed you,”? If you want your Master’s compliments, as He gave these, then you must start by believing Him. Instead of running over God’s sovereignty, and making much of the Bible take damage in order to hide Jesus’ offensive rebukes to you, maybe you can start by believing Him and receive His praise instead?

If God praises you, then you prove you are God’s workman. If you attack those whom God lavishes with compliments, then you whose workman are you?

And the last two are really, really odd–to say it mildly. “Exalts the Father’s Will,”? What was this “will” of the Father Jesus was doing?
Was it not, what He told John the Baptist, “healing, healing, healing, healing, healing, resurrection and truth proclaimed,”?

And regarding the last one, was Jesus doing signs and wonders more, or warning of false ones? The gulf is so big on this one, is it even worth mentioning?
This one is a false-dichotomy, and incoherent but let’s try our best at understanding it. The implication is that warning of false signs magnifies God’s word, while focusing on healing and such does not?
How is this not blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? And so, if I had to choose between the two, I would choose the second Jesus, for at least these haven’t committed an unpardonable sin.